I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
