guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
