She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
