You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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