They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I didn't shave. On purpose
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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