woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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