I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
