We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
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