you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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