i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
