You're earring is so big in my mouth
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
