dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
