Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
