you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
