Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
