I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
