Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
