Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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