I showed him my bush... on skype.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Cover your peen. We're going out.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
