It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
