She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
