I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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