Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
