I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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