i wish peter jackson would direct porn
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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