oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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