You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
