you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
you made out with another girl for some wings
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
