Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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