It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
