I can text with my tongue
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Small penises have feelings too.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
