You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
