When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
True strength comes from lack of pants
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
