chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
