Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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