I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I need a beard to bite.
i believe in u and ur pee
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
