youre lurking in front of me
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
