If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
