the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
