I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
