I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
