yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
how does that bad decision feel?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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