I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
