He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
