So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
