Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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