Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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