Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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