I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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