Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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