my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
