Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
