I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
