that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
