Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Someone came in the potted fern
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
