he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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