He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
