I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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