the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
